I
had a choice.
I
kept riding in the roller coaster.
Now,
I am tangled.
He
keeps away and gives me the blues in life. I cannot describe any much further
how he makes me sane and insane at the same time.
I
talk to him for hours and I sometimes caught myself smiling
differently—brighter and true.
Then,
I reminded myself that maybe these things happen for the sake of making myself
feel better or perhaps it’s just how life is making a story that is worth
remembering. But, how I see it is the
issue to myself. I am convincing myself to believe that all of those are true,
because I feel it, even if my mantra in life is not to invest feelings for
anyone yet…
When
it is cold and weary, he is there.
When
too much happiness fills me, he then brings me insecurity, jealousy and anger.
That is when I remember, “not to invest feelings”.
So
I prayed… everyday and every night. I
pray to God to keep my mind clear and to cleanse my heart from all the
somnolence…that when I wake up, I’ll be free from all the uncertainties.
I’m
still in that roller coaster ride. I want to feel what it’s like... to be freed
from my uncertainties…to untangle what is tangled and to settle the choices
that keeps on bothering me.
It’s
not yet too late though, but my feelings have this fluctuations and I’m worried
about it.
Well,
life goes on. I’m just gonna wait what life will bring for the next few days,
weeks, months or years… What is important today is that I am still breathing…
