It’s been almost 8 months since someone took the other side
of the road. It was hard to absorb all the obnoxiousness. It seemed like I’m
going to mourn forever, because I have given everything just to save that
relationship.
I am not perfect… but I tried to be true as much as
possible. I had mistakes and I admit all those. Perhaps, I am not really good
enough… Perhaps he didn’t really love me as much as I loved him. Perhaps, we are not really meant for each other.
Through
those years of good and bad memories, those were the good times of my
existence. I didn’t regret anything of those that happened, and I’m going to
cherish those forever.
I
haven’t told the story to many, because I don’t want to explain and it was too
painful to recall. It wasn’t a savage break up because he sugar-coated
everything, until one day, the truth has prevailed. The pain doubled… no
tripled… it was excruciating that I had to leave my house and stay at my
bestfriend’s home for 3 days.
I
lost count of how many bottles of beer and gin I drank. How many gallons of
tears I shed. How many petit-mal seizures I had (No I don’t have seizures, I’m
just exaggerating). I still have tons of
questions, and he never dared to discourse any of it. I have tons of proofs,
but he never acknowledged any of it.
All
I want is to hear what is true and what it isn’t, that will keep my mind at
peace, that’s why I cannot stop tweeting about shit and nonsense because I am
pissed.
Why
can’t he just speak of the truth rather than blabbering lies and loathsome
stories, why can’t he speak of both sides so people could understand what is
and what isn’t… Why can’t he just man up.
Hahaha.
Sorry, I am at rage.
I really
need to be at peace, because at some point,
he hasn’t spoken of the truth and he blamed me for everything… again, I
am not perfect. Nobody is, but atleast, I acted as a sane human being accepting
the flaws of my existence. Nevertheless, I am slowly standing up, big thanks to
my awesome friends who never left me through the pain and suffering that I had.
I met
new friends; they are amazing, crazy and all sorts of things that makes me
happy and annoyed at the same time. My horizon has expanded through the
landscape. I realized that everything has an end and that change will always be
the permanent thing in this world.
As part
of my moving on ceremony (yes I call it that, HAHAHAHA, it makes me feel
better), I am still hoping that he will acknowledge every uncertainty. So that
everybody will be truly HAPPY.
