3-22-17

It’s been almost 8 months since someone took the other side of the road. It was hard to absorb all the obnoxiousness. It seemed like I’m going to mourn forever, because I have given everything just to save that relationship.

I am not perfect… but I tried to be true as much as possible. I had mistakes and I admit all those. Perhaps, I am not really good enough… Perhaps he didn’t really love me as much as I loved him.  Perhaps, we are not really meant for each other.

Through those years of good and bad memories, those were the good times of my existence. I didn’t regret anything of those that happened, and I’m going to cherish those forever. 

I haven’t told the story to many, because I don’t want to explain and it was too painful to recall. It wasn’t a savage break up because he sugar-coated everything, until one day, the truth has prevailed. The pain doubled… no tripled… it was excruciating that I had to leave my house and stay at my bestfriend’s home for 3 days.

I lost count of how many bottles of beer and gin I drank. How many gallons of tears I shed. How many petit-mal seizures I had (No I don’t have seizures, I’m just exaggerating).  I still have tons of questions, and he never dared to discourse any of it. I have tons of proofs, but he never acknowledged any of it.

All I want is to hear what is true and what it isn’t, that will keep my mind at peace, that’s why I cannot stop tweeting about shit and nonsense because I am pissed.

Why can’t he just speak of the truth rather than blabbering lies and loathsome stories, why can’t he speak of both sides so people could understand what is and what isn’t… Why can’t he just man up.

Hahaha. Sorry, I am at rage.

I really need to be at peace, because at some point,  he hasn’t spoken of the truth and he blamed me for everything… again, I am not perfect. Nobody is, but atleast, I acted as a sane human being accepting the flaws of my existence. Nevertheless, I am slowly standing up, big thanks to my awesome friends who never left me through the pain and suffering that I had.

I met new friends; they are amazing, crazy and all sorts of things that makes me happy and annoyed at the same time. My horizon has expanded through the landscape. I realized that everything has an end and that change will always be the permanent thing in this world.

As part of my moving on ceremony (yes I call it that, HAHAHAHA, it makes me feel better), I am still hoping that he will acknowledge every uncertainty. So that everybody will be truly HAPPY.